Because you are my friend...

So Angi gave this to me awhile back and I just found it again while looking for something else. (don'tcha hate when distraction happens) So my dear friends:

Are you tired of those sissy "friendship" poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship. You will see no cutesy little smiley faces on this card-just the stone cold truth of our great friendship.

When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard, or bi-otch, who made you sad.

When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

When you smile -- I will know you finally got laid.

When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get.

When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be... until you quit whining.

When you are confused -- I will use little words.

When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.

When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

This is my oath.... I pledge it to the end.
"Why?" you may ask;
"because you are my friend".